My greatest fear is a long, lingering, painful death. Caption: My Greatest Fear Is A Long, Lingering, Painful Death. by Annmarie Throckmorton 2019

In important ways one's genetic background is one's destiny, physically, mentally, even with some regard to potential. Here is the latest update on my ancestors from AncestryDNA. Nothing new other than a pleasant surprise antecedent in Iceland! This is interesting to know, however I still find it irksome to be tied to the past. What about free will, self-determination? Caption: Self-portrait by Annmarie Throckmorton 2008 Caption: Self-portrait by Annmarie Throckmorton converted with Cartoon Photo Editor on Kindle fire HD8 then tweaked 2019 Caption: AncestryDNA Ethnicity Estimate for Annmarie Throckmorton, updated 10-23-19

Please let it be soon, I only have a few more hours, days, weeks, months, years, or decades left. No way to know. Caption: Looking Forward To Where I Want To Be digitized reality by Annmarie Throckmorton 2019

My idols* have changed over the years. As a girl, when television was still black and white, I was disconcerted to realize that ultra-male, rootin' tootin' American Westerner John Wayne was my idol, but he was. When I was a young woman, out and about exploring the world, I took a long side trip just to see Monument Valley where John Wayne filmed some movies, it's desolation scared me, it was not a fit place for man nor woman. When I tried John Wayne's style of fighting for justice and honor, the ghastly consequences scared me too. His brawling buckaroo methods were not fit behavior for a woman, and as times have changed, neither is it now fit behavior for man. I have admired many people

Who would be my dream celebrity partner on a deserted desert island? Instantly I know that I would chose a "celebrity" philosopher and/or religious leader from the past, with whom to while away the time until either rescue or death, discussing life and matters pertaining thereto. My first choice would be the philosopher and saint Thomas Aquinas. I make this choice without regard for the fact that he would likely be very uncomfortable sequestered with and expected to talk to a woman. I chose him enthusiastically because of his writings such as The Existence of God can be proved in five ways which is copied below. Whether in a religious or scientific context or medley of both, this sort of

If you could ask any celebrity one question, what would it be? I think I might ask Arnold Schwarzenegger what he was thinking when he bedded his housekeeper, making her his mistress? Obviously he was not thinking about any obligation of fidelity to his wife, the stability of his family, nor was he was thinking of the risk of emotional pain and pregnancy to his mistress. And his mistress did bear him a son. Then I think about the outrageous things that I have thought, said, and done while in the throes of lusting love, and I have no further questions for anyone. My sexual indiscretions were not as flagrant or consequential, but still I avoid thinking about them through shame. If such a re

I have an app on my Kindle Fire tablet that gives me free books that are usually worth what I pay for them, nothing. But there are a few interesting books worth reading tucked into the other freebies; and I found one true story that was so entertaining that I wrote a nice comment in the "Before You Go" write a review section. The book was written by a carefree professional adventurer who was somewhat sexist, as was the mid-twentieth century setting of his book. I was surprised when he contacted me, thanked me for my review, and asked if I would edit his next book. I was interesting in the topic and I casually said yes. When I received the beta copy of his new book, I spend about six hou

"If you could go back in time to help one person, who would you choose?" Mulling this over I realize that in my old age I do not know enough about most people's lives to help them. It is very rare that someone asks me for advise and encouragement, I give it on a catch-as-catch-can basis. Occasionally I find someone receptive to being helped. It is even less likely now that anyone will accept a physical assist from me, probably due to my obvious infirmities. And, I have no cash to give which is also probably quite obvious. For the first fifty years of my life I thought that I did, and I enthusiastically donated time and money to many sorts of charities. Throughout each year I also made a

The length of your forearm* is the same length as what other body part? Your foot. I knew my foot to forearm ratio was not the neat ratio of 1:1 which is a mark of beauty, especially for women. I have big enough feet that I have had a little trouble finding shoes, and some adjustment to make with my body image when I was young. I learned to say, "I have a good under-standing." when I was teased about my feet by young men who said things like, "Wow, look at the skis you have for feet, they're bigger than mine!" But those teasing me were usually of a caliber incapable to understanding my word play. I asked young women for their opinion, and without exception they reassured me, "Nonsense, y

Late in my junior year of high school I started at a new school which was in a small, closely knit, vigorous farming community; and it had an active physical education program for both boys and girls. I had never had a physical education class before and I was embarrassed in my first classes to have to say, "I can't keep up." Many of the other girls could climb the ropes to the ceiling in the gym, they knew the rules for basketball, touch football, and other team sports. They played fluidly. They started each PhEd class with an easy run around the outdoor track. They could do calisthenics until the cows came home. I was embarrassed to discover that I could do none of it. Prior Lake Hig

The phrase "Ladies and Gentlemen" used to signal the start of an exciting event, the evening news was on TV; the audience would come to order, the circus had begun. The demise of "Ladies and Gentlemen" is an annoying change, but a change which will eventually make everyone more comfortable. Fifty years ago, "Ladies and Gentlemen" could be a provocative expression when some snickering boy misquoted it as "Ladies and Germs". Even funnier, some men would sotto voce, "Ladies and Genitals". Before cable TV you made your own fun. Police officers sarcastically refer to the criminals they collar as "gentlemen", a euphemism that has weakened whatever strength that word once had. Calling women "lad

When I taught "Gender Inclusive Language"* in 1993-95, by invitation as a guest lecturer at Ohio State University and at a few nearby private collages, I had no idea that the concept would go militant. I introduced the concept politely for consideration and I assumed everyone would be free to chose whether or not they wished to be kind and gentle enough to their fellow humans to use gender inclusive language, as appropriate. Now one fears to speak any pronouns for fear of loud, public censorship by some fledgling social justice warriors whose preferred pronoun were inadvertently neglected. As for me, my preferred pronouns are a heterosexual she/her, no ze** for me. It still amazes me that

I have dreams of working again, for the money, for the companionship, and for the pleasure of keeping in with the human herd. So I subscribe to Indeed.com* for their daily emailed job listings, for where I want to be next. Recently the job offering copied here came in on my Kindle tablet: Cannabis Delivery - Night Shift at THC Co. This must be the dopiest job in America, pun intended. It was not so very long ago that drug delivery was done by criminal drug dealers who risked serious prison time for their nefarious enterprising. I am 100% behind decriminalizing marijuana use, because I believe users are self-medicating for unhappiness and/or simply playing with altered states of being, be

Former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton can't run for president, she has fits and falls over. Why am I so angry with her? Hillary Clinton's crooked venality has set women in politics back in ways that have yet to be fully realized. For example, even as a long-term, old-style feminist, I now hesitate to vote for my own sex. The men and intersexuals are just as bad, leaving me with no one I trust in office. What has Hilary Clinton done? Goggle it, I will not sully my website with her big-league evil. Caption: Hillary Clinton has fits and falls over. Source: RT on YouTube, "Hillary Clinton slips twice on stone steps during India visit." screen capture 2019 https://www.bing.com/videos

It is just before sunrise here in downstate Illinois, cool and damp from recent rains, windy, with the human herd enlivened by season changes into autumn. Caption: Enlivened Just Before Sunrise by Annmarie Throckmorton 2019

If I could swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would it be? Assuming that some or all of the mind of the swappee would come with their body, it is my considered opinion that people are too tricky, so I would opt for a sojourn in the body of an otter playing in the sea, for all the obvious reasons. If forced to chose a person, I would take a break from my pain-wracked body, and ride along in the fit body of a yoga master, to remember the gliding feel of yoga movements and the pride of endurance. Caption: Sea Otters Holding Hands by Ocean-Wise non-commercial use 2019

Ah, to be totally obscured, to be shrouded by the hand of God, ghosted for a day! What would I do with invisibility? Would I act with malice or benevolence? Or must I presume minimal interference with others, silent as a watchful spider on the wall, and act only in my own interests? I have avoided answering explicitly because my initial cruel considerations are best kept to myself. And I could not move my mind from that base place of darkness enough to figure out how I might be able to help someone or something by my concealment. I have no experience in it. Perhaps this is why humanity has not been granted a God's eye view. We have not the knack for it, too mean, too petty. Pray. Cap

I am not always comfortable recounting the events, thoughts, and dispositions of my life, a complexity which I have lived from the twentieth century into the twenty-first century. And whose life is not complex? As far as we know none of us have done this living gig before, we are all beginners at it. For a couple of posts here, I am taking a break from the usual things that I write about, and writing out my responses to questions that people ask one another when they are in a playful mood, and when they want to get to know one another better. If I could go back to any period in time, trip a tardis into time, I would grit my teeth, gird my loins, bind my breasts, and travel to occasions of

If you were to die tomorrow, what would be your final meal today, what would hit the spot? Assuming I had an appetite, I would enjoy: fresh-baked rye bread and butter hard cheese and fresh fig sampler soupçon of wonton soup seafood cassoulet small fruit salad of pear, avocado, papaya, mango, melons, and assorted berries American Angus prime rib, rare baked sweet potato (I have eaten almost seventy years of vegetables, no more for me, thank you.) desert trio of tiramisu, chocolate lava cake, and a surprise-me! clean, clear water to cleanse palate between courses Bullseye Menu! A hundred years ago kings and queens hoped for such a sumptuous meal as this, today most people in western civilizat

What would I like my tombstone to say? Annmarie Throckmorton, M.A. This Old Style Social Justice Warrior Has Laid Down To Eternal Rest, In A Slightly Better World Than Before She Worked In It. 1949 — 2054 (Age 105) Mood: All the stores in town recently put out their Halloween gore-and-grimace stuff; and for extra emotional jolts, across the aisle they put a ton of Christmas you-must-be-merry stuff. I will avoid the stores as much as possible until after the new year because people stress too much in the jangled atmosphere that merchants cultivate in this final quarter of the year. There are plenty of pleasant things that I can do at home and online until this weird mega-season passes. Ca