the legal "profession"

Having had extensive and unpleasant experience with many lawyers, and like so many others, I do not like them for the many times they have failed me in life and failed themselves professionally.  

American Bar Association Canons of Ethics 32 (1908)

“The strength of a lawyer is in thorough knowledge of legal truth, in thorough devotion to legal right.  Truth and integrity can do more in the profession than the subtlest and wiliest devices.  The power of integrity is the rule . . . the general law of the profession is duty, not success.  Professional duty, faithfully and well performed, is the lawyer’s glory.” – Edward G. Ryan, Chief Justice, Wisconsin Supreme Court, 1874-1880.

Lawyers Axiom:

If you have the supporting facts, pound the facts,

If you don’t have the facts, pound the opponent,

If you have neither, pound the table.

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."  − Plato, Greece, 427-347 BC

There Are Many Fine Lawyers...these jokes are not about them.  Some of my favorite bad lawyer jokes are:

It probably isn't true that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name!

His lawyer is honest, but not enough to hurt his case.

Lawyers are wallet sucking leeches.

It has been discovered that lawyers are the larval stage of politicians.

What do you call 200 lawyers drowned at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.

The jury's last question to Judge,  "Can we find the Defendant's lawyer guilty too?"

He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client and an ass for an attorney.

Old Lawyer Jokes-Illustrated by Annmarie Throckmorton, ATC copyrights 2005

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?". "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."

"You are a cheat!" shouted the lawyer to his opponent.

"And you're a liar!" bellowed the opposition.

Banging his gavel sharply, His Honor interrupted,

"All right, now that both lawyers have been identified, let's get on with this case."

What is the difference between lawyers and experimental lab rats?  People care what happens to lab rats.

Lawyer JokesThat They Tell Themselves

Illustrated by Annmarie Throckmorton, ATC copyrights 2005