Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
There are many fine lawyers...this isn't about them; and it probably isn't true that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name! Here are some more old jokes that are still funny.
Corrupt businessman's telegram: RESULTS OF MY CASE? Attorney's response: JUSTICE HAS TRIUMPHED! Businessman's telegram: APPEAL IMMEDIATELY.
His lawyer is honest, but not enough to hurt his case.
Lawyers are wallet sucking leeches.
"...good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws..." – Plato, Athens, Greece, 427-347 BC.
It has been discovered that lawyers are the larval stage of politicians.
What do you call 200 lawyers drowned at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client and an ass for an attorney.
The jury's last question to the Judge, "Can we find the Defendant's lawyer guilty too?"
A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other. The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit. He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..." The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..." The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
Caption: Cheating Lying Lawyers, by Annmarie Throckmorton.
"You’re a cheat!" shouted the lawyer to his opponent. "And you're a liar!" bellowed the opposition. Banging his gavel sharply, His Honor interrupted, "All right, now that both lawyers have been introduced, let's get on with this case."
Caption: A Lawyer For My Alligator, by Annmarie Throckmorton.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?". "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a scotch, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
Caption: Lab Rats vs. Lawyers, by Annmarie Throckmorton.
Why do behavioral scientists prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments? There are more lawyers to work with, they multiply faster, lab assistants are less likely to feel sympathy for them, animal rights groups will not stand up for them, and there are some things even a rat won't do.
See The American Bar Association’s Model Code Of Professional Responsibility.