Abandoning my mother was not an option
When I was a young woman, just beginning to find my place in the world, I realized that my mother had severe mental health and behavioral problems. Her problems were so severe that I was impressed that she had done as well in life as she did. As for myself, I realized that if I continued to have my mother in my own life, her difficulties would continue to impact on me, and without doubt she would limit me in where and how far I could go in life. She would probably reduce what I could accomplish. I knew that I might have a better, healthier, happier life without her.
But my mother gave me birth, which was a primary reason that I did not speak of this until after both she and my father had passed from life and they would not be embarrassed by this telling of my perceptions and feelings. And, when I perceive my own physical self, I know that it was given to me by my parents, and in gratitude I forbore to denigrate them. Also, compellingly, my mother on the very rare and unpredictable occasion, seemed to try to express love to me in a pathetic, ill-formed and badly delivered sort of way. Her affection was so brief that it was easy to miss, and it was painful to see. However, by the time that I understood my relationship with my mother, I was well-equipped to protect myself from her and I loved her constantly, for reasons known only to God*. What was more, if I abandoned her I would have no mother in this world.
Then one night I dreamed a prophetic dream, which was manifest in terms that still amuse me because it was a science fiction scenario and science fiction is highly recreational and thought-provoking for me. However, the serious message of my dreaming mind was very clear to me. In the dream, invading alien spacecraft were descending under cover of darkness onto Earth, and people were hiding away in the night to protect themselves. I realized that I was young and strong and I could easily run away from the danger...but...my mother was not able to protect herself, so I had to chose, to run away to save myself or to stay and try to protect my mother. In the dream I was very torn, but almost immediately I made the decision to never abandon my mother. I was shocked at how fast I made the decision, while menaced by those alien symbols for the vicissitudes of life. In my dream I had much regret because I realized what risk my decision put me in, what harms might come to me. And, I awoke sadden by that momentous decision. I tried to reverse my mind’s decision, but I could not rationalize turning my back on my mother, to be a coward and run away from her.
After that dream I did not reconsider my decision. I still feel that it was the correct decision for me. It certainly turned out to be the correct decision for my mother because in her last years of life she had me to take care of her and make her comfortable, and at times she was even happy. That knowledge gives me great satisfaction and happiness. I am proud of my decision.
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* King James Bible.
Ephesians 6:1-3. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Matthew 19:19 19. Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.
Caption: She Was Not Abandoned To Aliens In the Night
by Annmarie Throckmorton 2018