One day when I was fourteen, I suddenly came to full awareness of my mind and of the choices that I was making for myself in my life. I was sitting crying under a mulberry tree because I had nowhere else to go, no one to whom I could cry. My mother had been haranguing me, as usual, over nothing, just venting her spleen over me. I could not remember why I had fled from her this time. I did not know why she habitually made such long and critical attacks on me, verbally and even physically, over and over again. It was never clear what I had done wrong or what I might do to correct whatever the problems were. I realized that I could not clearly remember the first fourteen years of my life, most of it was blotted out and folded under in a fog of confusion, fear, and anxiety. I knew that I could not bear to continue living in that way. There was no point to a life unremembered. I considered ending it. What is very important to me about that day is that at that moment, sitting under a ripe and fragrant mulberry tree, I chose to take control of my life. I chose to see what was happening around me, to remember, to think, and to take action in my own life. I chose self-determination at that moment. I woke up under the mulberry tree, and I have loved mulberries ever since for being a sweet remembrance in my life.
Caption: I Woke Up Under The Mulberry Tree
by Annmarie Throckmorton 2018