Lovingly

My Parents:

Phyllis Marie Throckmorton, B.S., DOB 01-28-29, DOD 10-07-13

Dr. Peter Eugene Throckmorton, Ph.D., DOB 01-20-27, DOD 01-18-16

I wrote this poem, “Lovingly”, before 2007 when I moved from where I wanted to be, to live in Bloomington, Illinois to provide the daily in-home care to my parents which enabled them to spend the last years of their life together in their own home. I gave up a lot to do that for them. My social security benefit will always be half of what it would have been if I had been able to work while caring for my parents, putting my retirement income well below poverty level. And I suffered physical injury, not the least of which is a torn rotor cuff from lifting them, not to mention the mental strain of the past decade.

But I have the filial memories, both good and bad, and the knowledge of my accomplishment of that difficult life task. I wrote this poem for myself because I was thinking about these things, my values, what I hold dear, but you are welcome to any of it that suits you.

I have changed, and now I would like to recover the best of who I was.

Lovingly

Treat each other with courtesy and kindness.

Enjoy the differences.

Need and give.

Give all you can, and more.

Listen.

Ask for what you want.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Compromise because you love.

Share your joys and worries.

Don’t be offended by what another says or does.

Don’t refuse to understand.

Respect the other point of view.

Do as the other asks willingly.

Ask pleasantly.

Open up to each other.

Enjoy sex, it is essential.

Clarify boundaries and have as few as possible.

Avoid unnecessary pain.

Share expectations.

Change—if that’s what it takes to save the relationship’s life.

Accept irreconcilable differences.

Love thy self last but well.

Caption: Echo Satellite Trail In Milky Way—NASA public domain.